she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
