All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
