I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
