drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
