I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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