you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
