these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
