Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
