I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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