I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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