I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Vodka?
Forever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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