Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
