dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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