Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
