just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
