I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
