just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Can Purell be used as lube?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
