the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize