The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
