I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
