pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I didn't notice because vodka
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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