i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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