Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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