do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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