I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
