I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
