i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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