Umm I'm too high to move.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
