I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
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Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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