fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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