I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
