Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
