The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
