last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
