Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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