Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
