You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
