; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
