My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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