you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
