I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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