i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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