grandma shit on top of the toilet
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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