best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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