I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
