walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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