I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
