I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
