Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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