you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
