I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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