I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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