Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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