a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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