worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
