Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I believe in your delicious
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
