he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
