I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Quick, to the slutcave!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
