WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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