It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Can I color on your dick again?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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