i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
