the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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