I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
