Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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