My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
