I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
