I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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