It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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