Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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