I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
