I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize