You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
