Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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