I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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