I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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