I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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