my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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