I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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