So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
